three words

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Reacting and feeling

Sometimes I have a hard time controlling how I react to things. When I can, I feel like I seem too controlled and people tend to distrust that kind of control…but I hate the feeling of being exposed when I do react off-the-cuff because, even if it’s all in my mind, I think some people say things to evoke a certain reaction from me…

Yes, I am actually the center of the universe…

I was recently asked if I regret a major decision I made just a couple of months ago. I couldn’t help but be vague and determinedly neutral. This seemed to provoke a more aggressive/invasive-than-usual conversational probing. Part of my resistance to opening up is because it involves other people that I care about (who were not present during this conversation but are close with the person I was talking with). But some of it is because I resented the tonal assumption that I did regret my decision and that the person I was talking to was all ready to sympathize but also say, “if you’d asked me…” I fully accept that I could be projecting in this instance but my fear is based on experience, especially with this person…

I hate that this is how my minds works…