It’s weird

My life has not been all dandy since I graduated. Lots of things have gone wrong. A lot of those things have been my own fault. I’ve been getting more and more down and discouraged. I recently got news that, in the grand scheme of things, isn’t horrible and doesn’t directly affect me adversely…but I took it badly. My perception of the news/update was…as if the other people involved were out to get me…when objectively, I know that’s not true…I hope I was able to hide my reaction because I know, now and even then, that it’s unfair and I really wouldn’t want my reaction to make anyone sad or uncomfortable…

So today, I’ve essentially been moping. I’ve let this supposed slight to me wash over into my interactions with people in my family…I’ve allowed myself to be paralyzed with indecision, thinking obsessively through all the options UNavailable to me…and in my distracted state, I go to drop off my recycling…and in dumping my paper into the massive recycling bin, I drop my (kind of) nice tote bag (that I had been carrying the paper with) into the bin. I couldn’t fish the bag out because…it is a seriously big bin, you guys…I walked back to my apartment to look for something, anything that would help because at that moment, that bag was super duper important to me…irrationally so. I came up with a tape measure because…well, I didn’t have anything else I thought would reach…but that (in hindsight, predictably) just flopped around in the general direction of my bag. Finally, I asked a nice elderly lady who was moving some paintings to her car if she had an umbrella or something with a hook so I could retrieve my bag…and she did and kindly let me borrow it and I got my tote back and I thanked her possibly way too effusively and went home…and then promptly burst into tears.

I think this is what happens when a person doesn’t think they have anyone in their corner…

(What is wrong with me?)


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