Being co-opped?

I’m not the best with words. Writing is easier for me than speaking…I usually mess up while trying to actually vocalize my thoughts so I’ve learned to keep silent mostly in reaction to people just speaking over me, louder than me…I’m quiet. Maybe I’m weak but it always feels physically exhausting to keep having to try to be heard.

It’s a weird feeling to have someone say they know your culture and how you’re feeling, or supposed to be feeling, better than you. I know that white males often feel persecuted nowadays and feel like they’re being blamed for everything but…I don’t know what to say about that, really, because to some extent, I think that while it’s unfair to blame modern white males for all the sins of their predecessors, it’s not unfair to say that their perspective of the issue is skewed and that they have an elevated opinion of how fair they personally are and therefore, of how everyone in their generation are…and I wish they’d do more listening than arguing…I feel like it’s their time to do more listening but…it feels too much like I’m telling them to shut up. Anyways, that rambling bit was mostly because for me, it’s often a white male (friend) who tells me that I’m wrong about how I feel and that historically this, that and the other so therefore, my cultural background, my upbringing, ACTUALLY means this, that and the other so the way I feel is wrong…I do think there is an objective point to their POV, given their background. But to me, it doesn’t help that people they identify with (again, I almost feel bad to say “white males”) have written a large part of history, or at least how history is interpreted…and also, that doesn’t and (surely) shouldn’t change how I feel…right? It sounds so self-aggrandizing but I feel like I’m too used to taking everyone else’s opinions seriously at the expense of my own. That could be a result of yes, my upbringing, my culture, but also the free and democratic society, the relatively liberal (and yet religious) environment I grew up in…which is a bit depressing, I think. But I do think a large part of how I think and how late in life that I’m thinking about these things, may be just because of my personality. I’m quiet, I’m introverted, I’m awkward…I think like most people, I don’t want to blame, I want acknowledgment…

Ramble, amble, stumbling through…


Thinking back on this past year, it’s hard for me to find things to be thankful for…

It’s weird to not be thankful for anything but maybe it’s a sign that I take the little things (a.k.a. the BIG things) for granted.

“I’m thankful for being alive.” – Because I’ve been having health issues (physical and emotional and mental…), sometimes I’ve felt unhappy to be alive…but ultimately, I do want to acknowledge that being alive is pretty miraculous and I should be more thankful for that fact, in and of itself.

“I’m thankful for family.” – There are lots about family that causes stress and I think that’s more or less true for everyone, even the people that I think are stressful. I definitely can be stressful for other people. But…sometimes I stress out because I care…so stressing is caring…? I don’t know…but yeah, when it comes down to it…yeah, I’m glad and thankful for my family.

It’s when I don’t feel thankful that I’m most aware of the things I should be thankful for and maybe that’s a good things for me to think on…

The smile on his face :-)



i will never not love carl

This scene very well may have been the catalyst that moved me into science communication.

I would also be smiling that big if Carl had dropped in on my class when I was younger.

Don’t be afraid to ask simple questions. They can unlock amazing knowledge.

Source: blunt-science

Source: It’s Okay To Be Smart • sagansense: uumans: i will never not love…