OK Go are seriously so awesome. I look forward to every video and song they make…

Honestly, it made me feel a little dizzy and nauseous but that’s probably because I’m not feeling well right now anyway…

“Love After Love”

A long time ago, when I was just starting to really think deeply about things, in high school I think, I started working out the difference between self-centered and selfishness…how being self-centered might not be a bad thing, that it might be a beginning to growing up…but I still haven’t got it. I’ve been trying to focus lately and work through some things I had been ignoring…part of the reason that’s been…difficult…is because as I’m trying to “fix” myself and be better and stop wallowing (it feels like wallowing), other people have acted like I’m being selfish…so I question…what I’m doing, how I’m handling this…but I’m so tired. I can’t seem to concentrate on more than one emotional…thing…at a time. I feel overwhelmed all the time. I want to reach the place described by Derek Walcott:

“Love After Love”

The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.