Yes and no…but yes? I think…

“To feel the intimacy of brothers is a marvelous thing in life. To feel the love of people whom we love is a fire that feeds our life. But to feel the affection that comes from those whom we do not know, from those unknown to us, who are watching over our sleep and solitude, over our dangers and our weaknesses — that is something still greater and more beautiful because it widens out the boundaries of our being, and unites all living things.”  –  Pablo Neruda

I wish I only cared about the opinion of people I know and love…but I do also care about the opinions of people I don’t know…I’d never actually thought it like Neruda did. It’s…quite inspiring :).

I…

I’d been trying to formulate some kind of coherent…thought…about the recent news…I feel like generally I’m a pretty quiet person but I do think a lot that I don’t say…but I’m genuinely speechless…

I’m in this strange frame of mind where I can’t believe it but at the same time, I can’t believe I didn’t expect it…? There were so many indicators…so much precedent…how brave will they be? How brave can I be? I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know.

Out of the blue…

Ugh. Sometimes something I read or see or hear just hits me in a certain way unexpectedly…pisses me off! This time, I was reading something silly…and somewhere in the middle…how do you love like you’ve never been hurt? Quaint, I know. Cliche-ish? Anyways. How do I love like I’ve never been hurt? Is that a fair question? Is it even possible? Ugh.

What happens…

…if you’re too blunt? Is there such thing as “too honest”? Why does tone matter so much? I understand why context matters. Context is important. But the tone of one’s (speaking) voice…I have a really flat voice…and it just sounds fake if I try to infuse my voice with…anything. So texting and emailing…yay, right? Except same problem. I offend when I don’t mean to and more importantly, I don’t notice until it’s too late (i.e. already hit send). One might say that people just need to learn to take what’s being said as is…but I do think that may required knowing the person (i.e. me)…and obviously, not everyone knows me! I don’t know…

Someone was trying to be thoughtful and helpful (I believe) and I basically told them that everything they’re pointing out, I’ve thought of, am thinking of, am considering…and re-reading what I wrote (and sent)…I think I was too blunt? I don’t know what I should do. Apologize? Someone told me recently that apologizing for hurting the person instead of apologizing for the things said/did isn’t really an apology at all and offensive in itself…but I’m not sorry for what I said. Am I even sorry for how I said it? Kind of? I’m mostly just sorry the person got offended! I don’t think what and how I said it was mean but…the person took it that way…so…? Should I be offended that they think I’m a hurtful type of person? Am I responsible for how people take what I say? Maybe. Tone matters. I know this but I don’t seem to understand it…:-(.